I’m SO tired today. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I have been up since 6.30AM and Alex woke me up at about 3AM for a chat (which we needed so I didn’t mind) so maybe thats why. Meghan didn’t sleep too well either really. She didn’t get up during the night but she woke up at about 8.30PM after going to sleep at 7.30 and didn’t get back to sleep until nearly ten. She was really upset, I think it was her teeth. We gave her some Calpol anyway and she eventually got back to sleep. She’s knackered today which is fine by me because it means I can get more done!

I really need to go and get a bath/shower. I’d love a bath but I’m worried I’ll fall asleep where as a shower would wake me up. I’m going out tonight for Aimee’s birthday. Its not her birthday until tomorrow but she’s going out tonight instead. I’m glad to be honest because I hate town on Saturday nights. There’s that many fights going on that you don’t know where to look. Friday’s arn’t too bad and we aren’t going down Bridge Street where all the clubs are (I NEVER go down there) so it should be a good night. I’m on a two drink maximum because if I have anymore I get well and truely drunk and feel awful in the morning. Alex is working tomorrow too so I better had stay to that two drink thing. 15 Cairo do buy one get one free on cocktails on Friday’s so thats what I’m having. They do an amazing Sex on the Beach.

I got some more books from the library this morning. I said I wouldn’t get anymore because I already have six out but I saw three that I wanted – Mercy, The School for Husbands and Fight Club. I’ve not touched The Green Mile since I started reading it the other day. I’m gonna try and get a couple of chapters at least read today.

I better go and have that shower before Meghan wakes up. I hope it wakes me up a bit otherwise I fall asleep after my first drink tonight!

We’ve been doing a lot of organising today. Alex’s band have split up (LONG story, don’t want to get into it) so last night he brought his drum kit home. I’ve wanted a kit at home ever since I sold mine last year so I didn’t complain. We’ve had to move the dining table into the living room, get rid of unit in the kitchen and move the fridge for the drum kit to fit. The only place the drums would fit was in the kitchen. It looks great though. The living room is very cramped with the table being there but there’s not much we can do about that. Its nice to have some drums in the house again. It means I can start playing again which is great .

I finally bought Meghan some new clothes yesterday. I went into town to meet Aimee and I got her three new pairs of trousers and three t-shirts from Next. Nothing fits her anymore so she needs plently more stuff but that’ll have wait for another couple of weeks. While we were in a coffee shop, she stood up on the couch, turned round to the people behind us and said ‘hiya.’ It was so cute.

I finished my book. It was fantastic. I knew the ending before I got to it though which was a bit of a let down. I’ve started The Green Mile but I’m only on the first chapter.

I just, don’t know what to say…

Benoit’s death part of a double murder-suicide

According to lead investigator Lt. Tommy Pope, of the Fayette County Sheriff’s Department, in Fayetteville, Ga., the deaths of WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, wife Nancy and son Daniel were the result of a double murder-suicide, WWE.com has learned.

Benoit failed to appear both at Saturday’s live event in Beaumont, Tx., and WWE’s Vengeance: Night of Champions in Houston Sunday night, after informing WWE of a family emergency. Several curious text messages sent by Benoit early Sunday morning prompted concerned friends to alert Richard Hering, VP of Government Relations for WWE, Inc. Hering, in turn, spoke with Fayette County sheriffs Monday, and requested that they respond to the Benoit residence to check on him and his family.

Authorities representing the Sheriff’s Department initially had a difficult time entering Benoit’s new Fayetteville home Monday afternoon, which had been guarded by two large German Shepherds roaming freely around the property. Once authorities entered the residence, they quickly located the bodies of Benoit, Nancy and Daniel. WWE was notified of the discovery at approximately 4 p.m.

At 10 p.m. Monday night, Lt. Pope held a press conference in conjunction with Scott Ballard, the district attorney for Fayette County. The press conference officially ruled authorities’ findings as a double murder-suicide from within the home.

WAGA, a FOX-owned and operated television station in Atlanta, reported that investigators believe Benoit killed his wife and 7-year-old son over the weekend, then himself on Monday.

The three bodies have been received by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation’s crime lab, in Decatur, Ga., where autopsies will be performed Tuesday morning. Toxicology reports will not become available for at least two weeks.

WWE.com has further information relating to both the investigation and the cause of death, but the Fayette County Sheriff’s Department has requested that WWE.com not release any additional details at this time.

The weather today has been so miserable. Everyone in the house has been sleeping loads. Dax has been asleep all day as has Daisy and Meghan had a two and a half hour nap this afternoon when she usually only sleeps for an hour. I’ve felt like crap all day too because its just so dull. I’ve had to put the heating on too as its pretty cold. Its going to be the same for the next couple of days too. I wish it would just make its mind up. It was hot as hell the other week.

A plus side of everyone sleeping is that I’ve read half of my book already. Its pretty good. There’s a lot of sex in it which is always interesting to read about . I’m keen to find out what this “thing” is that the characters did but won’t speak about. I think thats why I’m reading it so fast because I’m dying to know.

I better go and do Meghan’s bottles before it gets too late. I also need to sort some dinner out for when Alex gets home.

I finally managed to finish my book, Vanishing Acts. It was good but no as good as some of the other Jodi Picoult books I’ve read. I started The Bitch Goddess Notebook straight away. It looks interesting, a bit weird really. My next one on my list is The Green Mile. I’ve seen the film and its one of my favourites.

I had another dream about being pregnant the night after but it wasn’t as intense. I didn’t cry hysterically in this one. I wish my paranoia about being pregnant would go away. There’s no way I can be unless the pill decided not to work. I’ll get over it.

We’ve been to Alex’s grandma’s for lunch and I actually had a nice time. I usually can’t be in a room with his grandma for more than ten minutes without wanting to go mad – she says things without thinking a lot of the time, negative things – but today I had a decent conversation with her. It was nice. It makes me not dread going next time. I’m going to see my grandad in half an hour. He’s still in hospital because the test results haven’t come back yet. He’s fine but bored stiff which isn’t surprising. It’ll be good to see him. I took him four books last Sunday and he’s read them all so I need to take some more.

I walked into Meghan’s room the other day and found her like this. Its a good job we lowered the cot a couple of days before. She can stand but only by pulling herself up. She can’t get from lying to sitting yet but I don’t think that will take her very long. Yesterday she started waving. She just suddenly started doing it. When my mum came to pick me us to go to Pets at Home she waved at her. Its so cute. I think its just clicked what waving means.

I’ve just (well not just, it was 5.45AM) woken up from an awful dream. It wasn’t exactly that awful but in the dream my emotions were so intense that it was awful. It started when I was on some sort of TV show about women who either had children or were pregnant and someone commented on how I was pregnant. I was like “No I’m not.” Quite a few people commented on it and I started getting paranoid. Aimee was in my dream and after a while I started getting really upset because I didn’t want to be pregnant. At all. It was like the worst thing that could happen. I decided to go and get a pregnancy test from the chemist nearby and when I did it with Aimee it came up that was pregnant. The two pink lines on the test were so bright that I couldn’t not be pregnant. I just burst into tears and I was so upset that I was going to have another baby. I kept saying that Meghan’s not even going to be 18 months old when this ones born. I phoned Alex up and he just wasn’t even listening to me, he wasn’t bothered even though I was hysterical. I know he wouldn’t act like this so I don’t know why he did in my dream.

I think this dream just confirms my fears that I have. Even though I am on the pill and have been since Meghan was three months old, every single month I fear that I am not going to get my period and that I will be pregnant. I don’t plan on having any more children. Meghan is the best child ever and I just don’t feel like I need to have anymore. I don’t want anymore. This dream has got me thinking though that maybe it wouldn’t be terrible if I ended up having another baby. Its actually made me consider thinking about having another one but I’m gonna let this dream pass properly first before I go making huge decisions like that. I’m going to make an appointment with my doctor though to see about different forms of contraception. I’m not the best person for remembering to take my pill every day (I’ve had three weeks since I’ve been taking it where I’ve forgotten, including this week) and I think it would be better if I got something that I’ll be less paranoid on. Like I said, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if I became pregnant, I just definatly won’t want to be pregnant right now.

I did plan on reading whilst Meghan got herself to sleep but I think that would make me fall asleep so I came on here instead. I do need to get that book finished though. It has to be back at the library tomorrow or Saturday and I don’t want to have to renew it because I have seven others piled up that I have to read. I’m just keeping myself busy until July 21st.

Alex has his job interview at 11AM. Everyone keep their fingers crossed for him. He’s going to ring me after it let me know how it went. I went into town yesterday buying clothes for him to wear for it. He tried it on last night and he looks so smart. I’ve never really seen him in a tie before – other than when he was best man at his friend’s wedding. I’m trying not to get excited because he might not even get it.

I’m supposed to be going out with my Mum at 10AM but Meghan’s still asleep. She’s not even dressed yet. We’ll just have to leave as soon as she wakes up. Its really messed her routine up staying up until 10PM on Saturday night. She was asleep for half six last night but she woke up a few times really upset. I can’t wait until my Mum gets here anyway, she’s bring McDonalds breakfast with her .

Because I was in a rush to get in bed last night I forgot to mention that I went to see my Grandad in hospital. My Mum spoke to him on the phone during the day and he was really upset and asking for me. We used to do everything together when I was younger but since he’s been having problems with his hip, we haven’t been able to do anything. I do miss doing things with him and I’m gonna try and spend more time with him from now on. He looks a bit down in himself but I would be if I as back in hospital again with the same problem. I took him some books to read to keep him occupied. I told him he’s got to be better to come and watch Harry Potter in July . He gets the results back about the infection today so fingers crossed its good news.

Something happened concerning my Dad and his temper on Saturday night but I really can’t be bothered talking about it. He’s not seeing Meghan anymore. Not until he learns to control himself.

Well I ended up coming home early last night because Meghan wouldn’t go to sleep for my mum at all. She probably would have been asleep by seven if I had put her to bed but she finally went down at 10PM after I got home, gave her a bottle and put her to bed. She was really, really upset. She’s not used to me not being there so I can’t really say I’m suprised I had to come home. Never mind, I’ll try again another time.

Alex’s gig was really good though. I got there for the sound check (went and had my fringe cut first because it was getting way too long) and then me and Alex went for a chinese which wasn’t very nice and cost way too much. We watched the first band play and then he went and set up and took some pictures as they played. I still managed to listen to them play which usually when I’m taking photo’s I’m too busy concentrating on doing that. Alex played really well. He’s improved since I last heard him play. The pictures came out really well too which I’m pleased with. I have some great ones. I really should do it more.

Sorry this seems a bit rushed but a certain someone kept me awake until 3AM and I was up again at 8AM so I’m really tired.

I ended up going into town this afternoon. I couldn’t decide whether to just go up to the shops or go into town but I ended up going in. I’m so glad I did because I found a gorgeous dress. Its so pretty and nothing like I would have ever thought of buying. It didn’t cost me that much and I can wear it tomorrow night for Alex’s gig and for Aimee’s birthday in two weeks. I’ve lost a couple of inches off my hips/waist and I’ve lost a few pounds too so I deserve a pretty dress .

Every time I blog I keep meaning to tell you all the things that Meghan can do and I keep forgetting. I’m just gonna write a list because it’ll be easier;

• She’s started pulling herself up from sitting, to kneeling, to standing when she’s in her cot. Its so cute when she does it. I keep meaning to get a picture of it but I forget to take my camera upstairs with me and I don’t want to leave her as she’s unsteady on her feet. I swear she’ll be walking before we go on holiday in August.
• She has almost two teeth in the space of two weeks. One has come through nearly half way and the other is still in her gums but you can see it pushing through. She’s taken her time getting them but it looks like she’ll have a mouth full soon at this rate.
• She’s so confident. She went through a stage a while ago where she was very weary of new people and got quite upset with people she didn’t know. Today she was being passed around between Amy’s friends (everyone loves her) and she honestly couldn’t care less. She ‘talks’ to people on the bus or in cafe’s and I’m so pleased. I’d hate to have a baby who was shy.

My little girl is growing up. I love the fact that she’s learning new things and I can’t wait for her to do something else but I just can’t believe how fast the time has gone and how much I’ve not taken time to enjoy. I try to make the most of everything at the moment because tomorrow she might change. I just can’t wait until she says ‘mama.’