This little girl has got the part I have always wanted. She is playing Lyra in the film version of the His Dark Materials trilogy. That is MY part. I was meant to play Lyra. If only I was eight years younger… I know I’m going to be disappointed with these films. They are never going to live up to my expectations of them. The books are much too complex to be made into films. Even though I say this, I will still be the first one at the cinema on the morning it is released. I’m so excited about it. I just wish I was Lyra .

My mum and I took Meghan to my nana and grandad’s this afternoon. They haven’t seen her yet. I really should have taken my camera but I forgot. They both love her to bits. I’m glad I went even though I think they should have come to me really. Going out today showed me how much of a good baby she really is. She fell asleep in the car on the way there, was awake the whole time we were there just looking around and fell asleep on the way back. I just know if I have another, he/she will be a big handful just because of how easy Meghan is.

I’m gonna get started on my Christmas presents for family soon. I don’t really have the money to buy everyone something so I’m going to see what cross stitch kits I have and just do those. I suppose the time and effort I put in will be worth something.

I didn’t get that much sleep last night. Nothing to do with Meghan, she was good as gold as usual. I waited up for Alex since Amy was still here and we didn’t get to bed until about 3AM. Meghan was up at five and then she woke up again at 8AM and I just decided to get up. I was wake and I wanted to get some letters written since I have a stack of penpal letters that I need to reply to. I’ve never really spoken about having penpals but yes they still exist! I love writing and recieving letters from them. Most of the ones I have now, I have been writing to for a good couple of years. I got one written and then Meghan woke up for a feed as I was starting another. I’ll finish that one off later and hopefully get at least another one written. Alex slept in until twelve and I’ll probably go and have a nap later on this afternoon just so I’m not too tired tonight.

It was nice Amy being here last night. She spent most of her time here with Meghan. I loved seeing them together and she’s shown me that she’s very capable of taking care of her if I need her to. Not that I didn’t think she could .

Emelye has gone to Florida with her mum and her mums boyfriend for two weeks this morning. I think they are going to most of the theme parks but all Emelye is excited about it Disney World. I went to Disneyland in Paris when I was eleven with school but nothing compares to the real thing. I hope she has a great time but I’ll miss her.

I have made all pictures of Meghan over at my Flickr account friends and family only. Its awful that I feel this way but I worry at who has access to those pictures even though they have my name on them. So if you want to see any new pictures of her, you’ll have to add me to your contacts.

I don’t know whats up with Meghan today but all she seems to have done is sleep. It might have something to do with us taking her out for her first walk. Its been pretty cold today so it might have knocked her out. Alex has a gig tonight in Sheffield – he’s probably on now – so I’ve been on my own with her. Last time I was alone with her (Wednesday night) I was really scared but tonight I’ve enjoyed myself. Karen’s been round for a bit and now Amy’s here but I think I could have gladly been completely on my own and not have been bothered. I’m not scared because I don’t think I can’t look after her, I would just rather have someone here for a bit of support I suppose.

When the midwife came today she’d weighed Meghan. She’s now 8lbs 10oz. She’s going to weigh her again next week to see if she’s back to her birth weight. I have the health visitor coming on Tuesday and then Wednesday Alex and I are going to the registry office to register her birth. I can’t wait for that .

Alex and I finished watching season two of 24 yesterday so I’ve bought season three from ebay and I’m selling my season two. I can’t wait until season three comes. I’m slightly addicted and number three looks fantastic.

Today was the first day I’ve been out without Meghan. It was horrible. I was fine at first and then after about an hour I started to feel really ill and just wanted to get home. I only went to do my food shopping. My mum was going to do it for me but I decided to go myself because I wasn’t really too sure what I wanted. I spent way too much money too but I wanted to make sure Alex and I eat well this week. Last week we both hardly ate anything. We didn’t really have the time – or wasn’t making time – and I had no appetite at all. Its come back now though so I’d rather be eating well than crap.

I stopped breastfeeding on Tuesday night. She had the longest sleep she’d had since she was born – three and a half hours – and when she woke up she fed for two hours straight and still wanted more. I really didn’t feel like I was giving her enough as she always seemed hungry and restless. Since that first bottle of forumla, she has been so much happier. She’s sleeping for five hours a night, going to sleep at around 2AM and waking at 7AM. Its crazy how much better I feel after five hours sleep. I feel like I’ve had a full eight hours. I was so upset having to stop breastfeeding and I couldn’t bring myself to give her the first couple of bottles but now I can see how happy she is, I’m fine with it. I’m in pain at the moment but I’ve been told to leave them and my milk will just go on its own. I hope it happens soon because I’m so uncomfortable.

Since Meghan’s arrival I’ve lost interest in the internet. I come on for about half an hour every day and just come straight back off. I have much more important thing to be getting on with right now. Plus the internet has just gotten really boring. I don’t really feel like blogging anymore either. I won’t explain my reasons why but I’m considering not bothering anymore or moving to somewhere else.

Meghan is a pretty easy baby. She’s so good. Apart from the fact that she has colic and apart from last night, has spent the night crying her eyes out. We were told by the midwife to give her Infacol and that seems to be working. I had a decent-ish nights sleep last night which was nice. She’s sleeping right now so I should be sleeping too but I thought I’d catch up on here instead.

I really don’t want to blog anymore. I have loads I want to say but I don’t feel like I can.

Meghan Evelyn
17th October 2006 @ 11.42PM
9lbs 1oz

I’m finally home with my baby girl. I know everyone says it but she’s the most beautiful thing in the whole world. I got about an hours sleep on Monday night because everytime I lay down I got pains in my back and legs and when I did get comfortable, I was woken up by a contraction and had to walk around. I had a bath at 1AM which did help but only while I was in there. Tuesday morning I was examined and I was basically at the same place I was on Monday. I was given another prostin tablet at about 9.45AM which made the contractions I was already having a lot stronger. I was supposed to be examined again at 4.45 but my 3.45 I was in too much pain to carry on without something more than regular painkillers. The bath I’d had at 2PM made my contractions feel a lot worse too. When I was examined I was told I was 5cm dialated and could go up to labour ward. I just cried. I really thought I hadn’t gotten anywhere again and to know I was about to have her was so overwhelming. I planned on having an epidural because even though I said I only wanted gas and air, by this point my back was killing me and I just wanted to get rid of the pain. When I was told I’d have to sit still for half an hour while it was inserted, I knew there was no way I could do that. I had the gas and air which was great for a while and when a midwife reasurred me that pethadine wouldn’t give me any hallucinations, I had that. I don’t think I could have coped without it. I had two lots of it overall. When I got up to the labour ward, I had this feeling that I wanted Amy there. I felt like I couldn’t do it if she wasn’t there with me. I always thought it would be just me and Alex in the room but it changed and I don’t know why. I suppose it shows how much I really think of her. I hardly remember the birth at all which is quite strange. I do remember it obviously but its very blurry. I ended up having to have a ventouse delivery and was cut so I’ve had stitches. I had been pushing for an hour and a half, my back was still really hurting and I was falling asleep because I was so tired. I know Alex was really worried about it and I was worried he’d be disappointed in me but I just couldn’t go on without any help. It was a really difficult birth and nothing that I wanted it to be but my little girl is so totally worth it.

Just a quick blog to let you know I’m in hospital still. I’m having regular contractions about every five minutes or so. My cervix still isn’t forward enough to have my waters broke so I’m here overnight and they will examine me again in the morning to see how I’m getting on. I’m in pain but nothing I can’t deal with.

I guess its the induction then. The braxton hicks (yes, nothing more than that) have near enough stopped now. I was in and out of the hospital this morning compared to Friday. I went in at 11AM and left at 12.30PM. They just put me on a monitor for an hour. The midwife didn’t think there would be much point in doing another sweep as the first one had no affect so I didn’t end up having one. If it wasn’t going to do anything, why should I have had one? Its not really something I enjoyed! I’m quite worried that it’ll be a long and very painful labour but if I go in with that in my mind, if its straight forward, it’ll be a nice suprise. I just hope I don’t have to go on a drip or end up having a c-section because I’m not getting anywhere. Fingers crossed. I’m going in at 8AM again and I won’t be coming out until I’ve had the baby. I’m guessing I’ll be home on Wednesday. I’ll post here as soon as I can. Wish me luck!

I’m off to pack my hospital bag of the last few bits and put the moses basket by the side of my bed. Her bedroom also needs a little bit of tidying and I want to do some housework before I go.

Its a Sunday morning, its 7.25AM and I’m online. Thats just wrong. I’ve been awake with Alex since about 6AM and I just couldn’t sleep so at seven, I gave up and got out of bed. I’m too uncomfortable to sleep. I know I won’t get much sleep once she’s born either but at least I’ll be comfy when I do sleep. Alex has just got up too. His chest is tight with his asthma but we don’t know where his inhaler is. I think he might have thrown it away by mistake when he was tidying up on Friday so we’re gonna have to go and root in the bin later because he needs it.

I’m ringing the hospital at about 9.30-10AM to see what time I need to go in. Alex’s mum is taking us and my mum is picking us up. I really don’t want to have another sweep but if theres any chance of it working at all then I’ll take it. I had contractions on and off all yesterday and I’ve had a few this morning. They keep stopping and starting and they still arn’t hurting so I’m getting a bit frustrated. She’s got about 24 hours to come on her own so here’s to hoping.

We have a new addition to our family – his names Snowflake. And he’s a hamster. He’s so cute. Alex went with Emelye and his mum to Pets At Home yesterday to get Dax’s food and I got a phone call asking if Em could get a hamster that would live here with us. Of course I said yes. He’s all white and he’s got red eyes . I’ll take some photo’s later when he’s awake. I was going to last night but he’d already been mithered and was qute scared so I didn’t think it would be a good idea sticking a lens in his face.